well i think i'm just going to vent for a sec.

maybe it's just the mood i have been in latley. And the fact that it is almost valentines day AGAIN. so here we go.

You . know i would like a boyfriend. It would be nice. It is a nice thing to be in love. To have someone to have dumb pointless conversations with but someone that  you could also have serious conversations. Someone who can make me laugh. Someone with goals and dreams of making something of themselves. I have spent my whole life looking for male affection. I think it's becasue my father is an idiot who, in his mind thinks hes a great father, but to everyone else SUCKS. But anyways... I have been going out on dates...some a little more special than others. I think i have about four or five guys that i am talking to.. and i think thats okay i haven't had the greatest luck with guys especially last year... and i have gone threw my men all suck phase and now i'm over it. I'm younge no one is really serious and so i am validadted by that. However, there is one that is special. I don't know how special. I know i like him more and i know he is everything i want in a guy. But i KNOW i don't want a serious boyfriend right now.  And i think i have just reached this conclusion in the last couple of days. I have spent the last month or two completly engulfed in the thought of getting a man and having someone special in my life. and now i am just happy having fun and going out with friends and going out on dates. It doesn't mean if s that certain someone were to get more serious that i wouldn't love that. However, I have no desire to push the issue. I just want to be friends... and see were the wind takes me. Gosh what the heck is wrong with me... usually when a guy that i really like shows interest then i just go for it... but i really have  no need. So it's either one of two things either 1) i really don't like this guy as much as i think i do and i have no desire to push this because deep down i know it won't work... or 2) i'm just growing out of my girly childish way of doing things and i know in order to have a good serious relationship you just have to patient and let thing go the way they will go. Hmmm i guess we will see. I can't wait to be in love again... but then again i can. i just want to have fun. and i am... it's nice to be getting the male attention i desire.. i mean what girl doesn't like having a couple of completly diffrent and opposite types of guys wanting to take her out.. its nice. I think i'm begining to realize that having a man is not everything.. which has taken me a long time to get... but its coming along. 

well back to school time.. we have to be here today till 4:15 which sucks.. because we are all already really really board.  i have already watched four movies about a variety of topic from exersies to stopping smoking then took a nap.  now just killing time.. i just want to go to the gym.

I got my new bed yesterday. I is so freakin tall.  The new sheets that i bought do not even fit. It has two pillow tops on it so it is about twice as tallas a regular matress. O yeah... it is a 600 dollar matress and my mom got it for 280.. it was a misprint in a magazine she caught.. it is such a great matress... however now that the bed doesn't move all the time the cats now want to sleep with me and they have to sleep in the very middle of the bed. So i think in order to get any sleep i will have to kick them both out of the room.. which i really don't want to do. But whatever it takes to get some sleep. Well hopefully i won't have to be here much longer.

O this past couple days have been stressful.  I went to see oz on thursday for the last time in a good while.. you know its funny i haven't seen him in months becasue we have been fighting but after seeing him for a couple hours I already  miss him a whole lot.

Not only that but the first thing he said to me was telling me about Adam's dad.. some of you might have heard about it on the news...he was killed on tuesday. so i have been pretty sad. and stressed. but i will be okay.

I AM HALF WAY DONE WITH SCHOOL....YEAH!!!!

AND I DON'T HAVE THE CRAZY WITCH ANYMORE..

man i have to get on later and tell you what she did to try and fail everyone out of the program. man i can't stand her